It was a quiet Saturday afternoon in the small town of Saintsville. The sun filtered softly through the stained-glass windows of St. Peter’s Church, casting colorful patterns on the marble floor. Father Gregory, an elderly but kind-hearted priest known for his patience and wisdom, was sitting in the confessional booth, quietly praying between visitors.
The curtain rustled slightly, and a figure entered the confessional. It was none other than Candice, a cheerful but notoriously ditzy blonde in her mid-twenties. Known around town for her bright smile, fashionable outfits, and occasional… misunderstandings, Candice had a way of making every encounter memorable.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” she said, her voice a mix of nervousness and innocence.
Father Gregory nodded solemnly behind the screen. “Go on, my child.”
There was a long pause.
“I’m pregnant,” she said at last.
The priest blinked. “Pregnant? My child, how did this happen?”
Candice took a breath and replied, “Well, Father… I think it must be the second coming.”
Father Gregory nearly dropped his rosary. “The second coming? What makes you say that?”
Candice leaned closer, whispering dramatically, “Because… I swallowed the first one.”
There was dead silence. Somewhere outside, a bird chirped.
Father Gregory cleared his throat, unsure whether he’d just heard a confession or a punchline. “My child… are you saying…?”
Candice, now fiddling with her handbag, nodded. “Yup. The first one never made it, you know, down there. So this has to be a miracle. Like… holy. Maybe even a prophecy or something?”
The priest gently pinched the bridge of his nose. “Candice… that’s not how conception works.”
“Oh,” she said, blinking. “So I’m not like the new Virgin Mary?”
“No, dear. That… that’s not quite how the original worked either.”
She sighed, visibly relieved. “Phew! Because I wasn’t ready for all that pressure. I mean, raising the Messiah? That’s a lot for one girl, even with a good Instagram filter.”
Father Gregory chuckled despite himself, then gently began to explain the basics of biology, the importance of education, and how perhaps a visit to the local clinic might be a wise next step.
As Candice left the booth, she smiled and said, “Thanks, Father. I feel better now. But if you see any bright stars over my apartment, let me know, okay?”
He nodded with a smile. “Will do, my child. Will do.”
And with that, peace returned to St. Peter’s—until the next Saturday.